What are You doing here?

Migration is Cool.

2005-11-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

Migration is Cool.

Migration is cool. Especially permanent migration. Wait.. thats a rather
redundant statement don't you think? Permanent migration. Tell me, which migration
is not permanent? lol. nvm.. anyway.. back to my point. Migration is cool. What a
useless paragraph if you ask me.. go one big round then say back the same thing..

Migration is cool.

Why is it cool you may ask? Well.. to me.. migration is sorta like a free
pass to do anything you want on the current dump you're leaving. Get what i mean?
The very fact that you're leaving an area permamently and going far far away
warrants you the freedom to piss off everyone and not suffer any consequences right?
Right.

Migration is sorta like the last day of secondary school.. jus multiply the
freedom of that by a hundred times and thats migration. Yep. On the last day of
school no one gives a rats ass about the rules... Imagine.. I'm gonna have to tuck
in my shirt cos the teacher's gonna BOOK ME if i don't!!! Ahhh!!! I'm soooo scared
that Miss (Insert annoying discipline mistress' sirname) is going to book me!! I've
got to go for detention on the last day of school because i didn't tuck in my
shirt!!! AAAAhhh!!! Help!!!

Migration gives you power. Loads of power. Especially if you are a person
of low social status. You could get back at all the idiots that bullied you right?
And not get beaten up cos you're ditching the dump permanently. Wouldn't that be
cool? In fact, it's so cool that i've come up with a list of things to do before you
migrate. It's called the migration list. Cool right? Original right? I know. Thanks.

Ny Lovely List of things to do before you migrate:

- Borrow $10 000 from a local loan shark.

Why do this?

Well.. the thing about loan sharks is that it's an illegal business, so they can't
approach the law if you 'steal' their money. Of course they've got other means in
which they whack you and chase you... but usually these only work if you're still in
the country.. i mean.. imagine.. what if you borrowed $10 000 told them a fake
address and just leave the next day with all that extra money? COOL RIGHT!? Yes. We
should all do that when we migrate.

- Pee in the Kallang river.

Why do this?

Cos we're changing residence right? and we're changing citizenship right? So.. screw
the current country you're ditching! Pollute it as much as you can!! Pee in all the
rivers! Kill their fishes! And have fun while you're at it.

- Go to the library and borrow eight books. Prefably books that cost a lot or books
you really want.

Why do this?

Well.. when you borrow books they charge it to your card right? And when you need to
pay up.. they'll send you a letter or notice to say your books are overdue. But what
if you're not in the country anymore? Will they be able to fine you? HECK NO! So..
what are you waiting for? Go borrow those books legally and keep them illegally! You
can even read them on the long flight to the country you're migrating to. Cool.

- Tie up that annoying dog next door.

Why do this?

Come on. Let's face it. You hate that dog don't you? The one that keeps barking
whenever you walk past? So annoying right? You've always wanted to give it a good
beating. or teach it a lesson for waking you up at 3 am with its incessant barking.
Right? Nows your chance! Grab it by the neck, and tie it up! You won't suffer any
consequences cos you're leaving the next day! So what are you waiting for? That
#R#$%# dog is barking again isn't he? You go man.

- 'Whack' all the bullies who whacked you before, dates who rejected you, teachers
who scolded you, that old man down the street who scolded you, that guy in the mall
who laughed at you... etc.

Why do this?

The term 'whack' here basically means 'use your imagination'. Whack may mean give a
physical beating, or a slap in the face. Whack can also mean pointing fingers. Whack
can also mean giving roses to someone. Whack can also mean talking back to them.
Whack can also mean playing lovely pranks on them. What does whack mean to you?
Dosen't matter. Just do it before you migrate.

- Go find a pirate shop and rat on them by calling the police in front of them.

Why do this?

No idea actually. It's just fun to see those illegal buggers getting their asses
whacked. And getting away with it.

- Vandalise a few buildings. Prefably those that have the word 'Ministry of' in them.

Why do this?

Since you're leaving. Why not make a lasting impression on the government here? Just
a nice lovely neon paint mark here and there ought to show them who you are. Hey..
who knows? They might even like what you do to their walls...

- Send a mass email to everyone saying that you're migrating because you hate them.

Why do this?

Simple. Because you want to tell the truth.

haha. Thats all for now.. this lovely list of stuff to do before migration.
So.. next time you migrate.. remember my lovely list of stuff to do before
migration. Try it. Trust me. It'll be fun.

Go Migrate. It's fun.

Disclaimer: This post is purely for entertainment. If you're migrating, I trust you are intellectually capable of distinguishing fact from humour.

I will never be Ironic.

2005-11-12T00:07:00.000+08:00

I will Never be Ironic.

I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I
hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate
repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating
myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I
hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate
repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating
myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself.

I HATE TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. IT IS SO ANNOYING!!! I FLAME ANYONE AND
EVERYONE WHO TYPES IN CAPS!! AARRGHHH!!! PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN CAPS SHOULD BE BURNT ALIVE!!! AARRGGHHH!!! STOP TYPING IN CAPS YOU NUTS!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!! GO AWAY YOU CAPS NUTS!!!! GO AWAY!!!

I hate ppl hu constantly typ in acronyms n shortforms. they r so irritating.
cant they jus learn to typ in ful words? stupid ppl, l8er become habit n all fail
eng. lol. duncha agree wid me? tt ppl hu typ in shortforms shud be shot? yes u do?
Gd fer u man! U rok!

You know what I hate? Do you know? Care to try and guess? Yes? No? Maybe?
How much time do you need to guess? Will one second do? Or is one second too short?
If i give you ten seconds will that be better? Will it? Or have you given up
already? Try harder perhaps? Have you forgotten the question? What else do i hate?
So.. have you got it? Yes? No? Maybe? Give up? Okay? Want me to tell you now?
Alrights...... I hate people who constantly ask questions.

Ilovespacesinbetweenmywords.Ijustlovepressingthespacebar.Don'tyou?
Thespacebarrocksdosen'tit?Howwouldtheworldbelikewithoutthespacebar?Suckswouldn'tit?
Horrible.Ican'timaginetheworldwithoutthespacebarman.Shudderjustthinkingaboutit.You?
Wouldyousurvivewithoutthespacebar?Iamsureyoucan't.

I love blog posts that are full of meaning. You know the ones where you go away thinking... wow... this blogger has taught me something new. On the contrary, i
hate bloggers who just post random meaningless crap that just wastes your intelligence reading it. Like this damn lame post i saw just now. The blogger idiot kept harping on how much he hated repetition repetition repetition and how much he hated THE CAPS LOCK KEY and shortform words and questions and spaces between words.

I hate blogs.
And i hate ironies.
And i hate the word and.

Challenging Question?

2005-11-07T00:46:00.000+08:00

Challenging Question?

I have been thinking. Pondering and pondering over this life question. What is the
question? Well... The question is... "Should I post this post or not?" Arrgh!!! If
only I could just friggin make up my extremely fickle mind!!!

Okay Okay. Let's take this "one little baby step at a time" (Shrek, 1234). Right. So
let me start somewhere. I know!! Lets start by reviewing my options. What are my
options?

Option Number 1 - Post this post.
Option Number 2 - Don't post this post.
Option Number 3 - See Option Number 1.
Option Number 4 - See Option Number 2.
Option Number 5 - Type Option Number 5.
Option Number 6 - See Option Number 7.
Option Number 7 - See Option Number 6.
Option Number 8 - See all options.
Option Number 9 - Don't see all options.

Hmmmmmm.... Choices Choices.... Which one should i choose? So many!!! Arrrgghh..
Nine leh!!! Somehow i think option 1 and 2 are the most practical though. Wouldn't
you agree? I am sure you do. If you don't go kill yourself. Kidding. Don't do that.
Option Number One is to post. But writing this blog post would take a friggin long
time!! I have so many other better things to do.. like counting the number of square
tiles i have in my house.. and oh yar!! Have to finish reading the book i was given
yesterday.. What's the title of the book ar? Oh yeah.. "Spot counts to Three".
Difficult and intellectually challenging that book.. haiz... so difficult how to
read finish?? The many challenges i face in my life. Arrgh.

Posting this post would also mean that i have to waste my energy!! Have to press so
many annoyingly difficult to press keys on this lousy keyboard i have... I have to press the
comma key, spacebar key , Enter Key

, CAPS LOCK KEY and the stupid exclamation key!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHH!!!!
I'm so tired now how to press all those keys?? Haiz...

Plus if i post this post then what would this post be about? Must take the time and
think of what to type for this post right? So difficult to think of lame ideas for
posting man... Its not like i can just make it so easy by typing a post of not
posting right? Cmon man.. which idiot nut would do that?? lol.

Okay. So... Option Number 1 is definitely OUT. Yepp.. That leaves us with Option
Number 2. And that is NOT to post this post. -Ah- That sounds lazily inviting! haha.
Not posting this post would mean i would'nt have to waste all my time typing out
this post right? haha. Yeah.. that sounds like a cool option don't you think? I'm
sure you do.

I will now choose Option Number 2 and NOT post this post. Why? Cos I'm lazy and
don't want to think of a posting idea. Cos I'm tired and can't press the keys on my
keyboard. Cos I've got better things to do like counting the pixels on my screen.
Cos not posting this post would mean more time for me.

So yesh!! WooHoo!! NOT POSTING THIS POST IS SO MUCH FUN!!! Option Number 2 Rocks.
Option Number 1 sucks. If i had chose to post this post it would suck. Cos then i
wouldn't be having the fun of not posting this post!!! Woo HOO!! I am glad I chose
not to post this post. Yay.

Yepp. Thats it then. I will not post this post. So.. happy not reading this post.

Lol.

The Courage of Blankness

2005-10-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

The Courage of Blankness.

Art. Was having a conversation about art with some friends yesterday.
Apparently, one of them took the art elective program *cough* (you know who you
are.haha.) and was telling us about the legality of submitting a blank sheet of
white paper and calling it 'art'. According to her, all one has to do in justifying the blank sheet was to do a write up and explain why the white blankness of paper was 'art', and the teacher would accept it. The art teachers accept a piece of blank paper as art!!! Now, i've got one thing to say. That is cool. If only we could all do that for all subjects!!! Aaahh!! If only i could pass up a blank sheet of paper for every chinese assignment. And then with an english explanation at the back:

Dear Lao Shi,

This paper is not blank as it seems to be to you. The world is moving towards a
stage of post modernism where everything is subject to relative thinking and self
analysis. As we can see here, we have a rare piece of 'zhuo wen zi' with all the
lovely grid lines forming cuboid shapes that accentuate the exquisite essence of
the beauty of nothingness. The lines are too beautiful to destroy in my eyes and i
am sure that a lao shi of your intellectual calibre can see that the importance of
the blankness is to high to even consider the destruction of what pen ink can
cause. I am sure that someone such as you will be able to understand the need of
protection of high art such as the genius in blankness. Surely a trifle such as
the writing the 'zhuo wen' will never take the place of beauty such as this. Also,
one can see that between the spaces of the squares you can actually see wondrous
things. Things that the mind conjures to fit what each individual desires each so
called 'empty' square to be. So, the 'empty' squares are not necessarily empty but
rather 'intellectually filled'. What i'm saying is that its up to you my lovely
lao shi to decide whether the squares are empty or not. If you are the
intellectual being in which i think you are, you will say: "No. It is not empty
but rather filled with the ingenuity of my students.". If you are not, sadly, you
disappoint us. I await your answer with great anticipation and expectation.

-My Chinese name which i will not reveal here-

Tell me. Wouldn't that be cool if that were actually legal??? Sadly, our
narrow minded education system only seems to concentrate on the absolution of
subjects. We as creative and open minded students are forced into intellectual
boundaries that our so called society imposes on us. So, unfortunately, we cannot
practice the above example to our actual homework. Sad isn't it?

Unlike other education systems which i've heard of, the teachers actually accept
'creative' answers in exams or homework. Like in America for instance, i heard
this true story of a guy named John who did something that was friggin cool in one
if his exam papers. Ok. Wait. Who am i kidding? Sorry, i lied. His name wasn't
John. It was Jon. If your name happened to be Jon, remember, that is only a mere
coincidence and this Jon has nothing to with you. So relax Jon.

Ok. Back to my point. Jon. The American dude who did something cool. What did he
do? Well, it was 3pm and he was sitting in an exam hall awaiting his English
Compostion Examination papers to be given out. Remember, it was an English
composition Exam. After the teachers gave out the papers and the exam had
commenced, Jon flipped the paper over and read the question.

Essay Question: What is courage to you? Write an essay of not more than 800 words
answering this question. (40 marks)

Jon stared at the question for about 1 minute. He just sat there thinking.
Thinking of what to write. Then he had it. He took the piece of foolscap paper he
was given and wrote his name and all the necessary default crap needed to. Then on
the answering area, he wrote three words.

"THIS IS COURAGE."

And with this he took his paper, walked to the front and handed it up. All done
within 3 minutes. His two hour English Composition paper done within 3 minutes. He
left immediately and went home to sleep, played Ragnarok Online and basically felt
pretty darn pleased with himself.

Now, that is cool. Cool and creative. And know what else? He got an A for that
paper. An A. No 'faeces'(or otherwise known as shit). Unfair world this is.
After hearing this story, i sat down and thought for awhile. Could i have done the
same thing? Maybe Yes. Maybe Not. And another thing i realised could happen. If it
had been another question could Jon have answered it the same way? my answer? Yes.
Another question.

Essay Question: What is stupidity to you? Write an essay of not more than 800
words answering this question. (40 marks)

Jon's answer?

"THIS IS STUPIDITY."

Cool.

Modern Day Saviour

2005-10-24T16:45:00.000+08:00

Modern Day Saviour

We all know that Jesus was born of a virgin birth during the Roman Empire
right? Where mangers still existed, crucifixion was still in practice and donkeys
were used to travel. But have you ever thought why God planned it for Jesus to
come at that time period instead of any other time? Why couldn't Jesus come in
this time? What if Jesus decided to come in this modern era? What would the Bible
be like? Who would the apostles be? Who would Judas be? Interesting thought isn't
it? Yes it is.

Well.. for starters, Jesus wouldn't be able to justify his virgin birth
very well if he were to come at this age. Why? Because of science. Science has
enabled birth without sexual intercourse, through a process called artificial
Insemination. Or test tube babies and the lot. It would've been actually 'humanly'
possible for Mary to give birth to Jesus without having to see an actual penis.
So, when Mary announced she was pregnant and a virgin at the same time, people
would simply go:"Oh. Test tube? Must be. Congratulations."

Secondly, what would it be like for Jesus to actually attend school? or a
Junior College? or a polytechnic? or how about ITE while we're at it. What do you
think his test grades will be like? Imagine Jesus in a science lab having chemistry
practical.

Teacher: Alright Class, I have here a beaker full of concentrated Hydrochloric
acid. And in my hand is a strip of blue litmus paper. Now, as you all know, when i
dip this litmus paper into the acid, the blue litmus paper will change colour. But
do any of you know what colour it will change into?

Student Bob: Yes! Yes! I know! I know!

Teacher: Alright, Bob, what do you think the colour will be?

Student: Red! Duh! Read the book yesterday.

Teacher: Yes Bob. Thank you, Red is indeed correct.

Student Jesus: Erm.. Ma'am, i beg to differ.

Teacher: Yes Jesus? You don't think it will turn red?

Student Jesus: No it won't ma'am. The litmus paper will remain blue, but the
hydrochloric acid will turn into red wine.

Class: *Laughs hysterically*

Teacher: Erm.. I'm pretty sure it won't Jesus. Really.

Student Jesus: O Ye of little faith.. trust me, it will turn into red wine.

Student Jim: Shaddup smart ass! The litmus' is going to turn red and the acid
remain acid. It says it here in the book. Look! Page 76, right there.

Teacher: I'm afraid Jim and Bob are right Jesus. The acid will remain acid and the
blue litmus changed to red.

Student Jesus: Why don't you put it into the acid then. And we'll see.

Teacher: Alright Class, look closely now as i lower the blue litmus paper into the
acid.

Teacher: *Dips the litmus paper into the beaker of acid*

- The hydrochloric acid slowly changes into a red weird smelling liquid. -

Class: *Loud Gasps*

Teacher: *Lifts up the litmus paper* OHH MYYY GOD...

Student Jesus: AHEM! Please kindly refrain from using that phrase...

Teacher: I.. I.. I don't believe this.. am i dreaming?

Students Jim and Bob: o.0

Student Jesus: No you are not dreaming. Told you it would turn to wine. Go ahead,
taste it. It's the best red wine there is.

Teacher: *Dips finger into red weird smelling liquid and tastes it*

Teacher: It is wine! I really can't believe this happened! Its illogical!
Scientifically impossible! Impossible! But yet.. yet.. its right here..
How...

Student Pam: Excuse me ma'am, but is this coming out for the test?

*Teacher faints*

Well.. as you can see.. our time is not a very good time for Jesus to come
right? And what about the crucifixion? If Jesus chose to come at our time, it
would be politically impossible for him to get crucified. Why? Because
crucifixion is banned in most countries. It is deemed as too cruel a death even
for serial killers and rapists. Too cruel indeed. The victim dies of sheer
exhaustion. Horribly inhumane. So.. if Jesus chose to come at our age then how
would he die? And one other thing, if he wasn't crucified there wouldn't be a
cross for the symbol of Christianity now would it? Interesting thought.

So.. how would Jesus die if he couldn't be crucified. What are the various
execution methods practiced in the 21st century? Well.. Hanging is one, poison is
another, electrocution is yet another and perhaps death by the bullet even. By far
the most commonly practiced would be death by hanging. So.. if Jesus came today,
he would be eventually hanged and the symbol for future Christianity would be the
rope. Lol. Imagine. Having a rope as a symbol on every church. Having necklaces
with the rope on it. Interesting. Far-fetched, but interesting.

It's a really good thing Jesus has already come and we are now saved. Or
rather, we now can choose to be saved. A very good thing indeed. How many of us
actually take salvation for granted? I know I have. So.. take the time today to
thank God for coming already and giving us this wonderful gift of eternal life.
Yes.

Till next time.

Disclaimer: This post is entirely fictitious and is only meant for entertainment. No offense directed at Christianity. Just plain humour and answering the 'What if question." Nothing more.

Fruitland

2005-10-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

Fruitland

Fruitland. Have you heard of fruitland? I'm sure you have. If you haven't,
then i will explain a little bit more about it. Basically, fruitland is a land of
fruit. BUT, the thing is, these are no ordinary fruits, these are fruits that can
walk, talk, breathe and even think. These are super-fruits! If so, then why is'n
it called Superfruitland instead? How the heck would i know? I'm not the one in
charge of naming fruitland am i?

So.. thats a brief summary of what fruitland is about. The next question
to ask is: "What kind of fruits are there in fruitland?" Well.. apparently..
fruitland is pretty new.. it was just created this year.. so.. the current fruits
in there are pretty limited. But fear not.. there will be more coming.. maybe.
yepp.

Anyway, back to the question, there are basically FOUR main fruits in
fruitland. Four main fruits plus a few other fruit anomalies. What is a fruit
anomaly? A fruit anomaly are fruits that are unique and are one of its kind. This
means if a durian is a fruit anomaly, then there is only one durian in all of
fruitland. Get it? No? Then go kill yourself. Kidding. Don't do that.

What exactly are the four main fruits and the fruit anomalies? Here there
are...
Fruit Number One - Oranges.
Fruit Number Two - Bananas.
Fruit Number Three - Peaches.
Fruit Number Four - Cherries.
Fruit Anomalies - Durian, Dragonfruit, Passionfruit and Pomelo.

Perhaps another thing you should know about fruitland is that it's
seperated into different colonies, each fruit to its kind. The oranges live in
Orange County. The bananas live in Nanaland. The peaches live in PeachBeach. And
the Cherries live in CherryCola.

And what about the fruit anomalies? Well.. they don't have specific places
of refuge, so they mix around with the other fruits and sometimes stay in their
colonies for a little while. The anomalies don't stay in each colony for long,
they like being free and unique, they like switching around depending on their
mood and feeling.

So.. what exactly do the fruits do in fruitland? Well.. every morning they
assemble near a device called THE NUTRITIONALLY ADVANCED PISTONISED SPRINKLER, or THE N.A.P. SPRINKLER. What does the N.A.P. Sprinkler do? Well.. its function is to
provide the fruits with daily nutrition and vitamins. How does it do this? At
certain times of the day, the N.A.P. Sprinkler will open and spray forth a huge
blast of nutritional liquid. This liquid will seep into the skin of all the fruits
in contact with it and 'feed' each fruit. This 'fruit feeding' process is called
Fruit-nutrisation. The N.A.P. sprinkler sprays this liquid twice in the morning,
twice in the afternoon and twice in the evening. Six times in total, with each
spray giving different kinds of nutrients and vitamins.

Spray One - Oralphythemane. For lung enhancement.
Spray Two - Radiastatin. For ear enhancement.
Spray Three - Sociacetamol. For brain enhancement.
Spray Four - Wordometazine. For limb enhancement.
Spray Five - Isotozone. For nothing.
Spray Six - Comthromycin. For even more nothing.

Each fruit colony has its own rules, character, structure, lifestyle and
identity. So what are each colony like? Well.. The oranges believe in social
harmony and putting others first. The bananas believe in taking risks and are
social achievers. The Peaches are a feministic community and believe in beauty and
social closeness. The cherries live exclusive lifestyles and are rather distant
from the rest of the fruits, so very little is known of them. All that is known of
them is that they come in pairs. However, recently, one cherry has managed to
break away and has occasionally been seen with the oranges in Orange County.

And what about the fruit anonamalies? Well.. the Durian favors two groups
over the rest and is often seen hanging around their colonies. This includes the
oranges and the peaches. The Dragonfruit is fine with any group, but is most seen
with the bananas. The Passionfruit is the most passionate of all, and treats every
group equally. And lastly, the pomelo. The pomelo is the shyest of all the fruits
and furthermore is only seen while Spray One (Oralphythemane) is given. Somehow,
the pomelo manages to survive only on that spray. The pomelo is not known to be
seen with any other fruit colony.

Yepp.. so thats the basic storyline existence of fruitland. Fruitland is
currently undergoing a major climate shift now. It is rumored that the N.A.P.S.
itself is going to change, and the fruits evolve. However, it is but a rumour and
rumours not to be trusted right? Well.. time will tell.. time will tell. So.. when
the time comes, i will report to you more news on fruitland, its changes and i
might even delve into a little bit of history. yepp.. so.. till next time.

Fruit You.

Got a question?

2005-10-21T13:16:00.000+08:00

Got a Question?

Good Morning! I've got a question for you.

Have you ever had a conversation entirely out of questions? As in pure 100% questions, where every statement and answer made is a question. Yes? No? Maybe?

Well.. if you haven't, you should try it out sometime. It looks fun.
Retarded. But fun.

Hmmm.. how would an entire conversation with just questions be like? How
long would it even last?

To explore this intriguing concept, i shall introduce two new characters
to give us an illustration. I shall introduce... Characters Jim and Bob! Round of
applause please as they step up on stage.

*Jim and Bob look bewildered as they step up on stage*

Me: Cmon now! Right up here.. yes thank you Jim and Bob for your wonderful
voluntary cooperation. Okay now Jim. What would it be like for an entire
conversation to be made out of pure questions?

Jim: "What's that you say?"

Me: "What would it be like for a conversation made entirely out of questions?"

Jim: "What? Did you say a there's a monkey behind me?"

Me: "Dude... Are you deaf?!"

jim: "Are you mad?"

Me: "Bob! Whats wrong with this guy?"

Bob: "How the hell would i know?"

Jim: "What's hell?"

Me: "So you can hear now?"

Jim: "Hear what?"

Me: "You're an idiot you know that!?"

Bob: "Hey! Why'd you insult him for!?"

Me: "Wouldn't you have done the same thing!?"

Jim: "Could you both stop shouting!?"

Me: "Why should we?!"

Bob: "Can i get off the stage now?"

Me: "What do you think?"

Bob: "Can't you answer me first?"

Jim: "Hey! Did you guys notice something?"

Me: "What?"

Jim: "Why are we all talking in questions?"

Bob: "Are we?"

Me: "Are you crazy Jim!? What are you thinking?"

Jim: "How the heck would i know?"

Bob: "Whats Heck?"

Me: "Why don't you ask Jim?"

Jim: "You don't know what's heck?"

Bob: "Yeah.. What's it to you?"

Jim: "You're not very smart are you?"

Bob: "I just asked a simple question, theres no need to insult is there?"

Jim: "So what if i want to?"

Bob: "Childish don't you think?"

Jim: "Who are you calling childish!?!"

Me: "Erm.. May I...(?)"

Jim: Can you shut up!? Can't you see we're talking!?"

Bob: "Who's talking to you!?"

Jim: "Getting angry are we!?"

Bob: "Yeah! Who's your daddy!?"

Jim: "What!? Who's your mommy!?"

Bob: "Bet you haven't seen a fist this big!?"

Jim: "Hah! Did that puny thing get shrunk in a washing machine!?!"

Me: "OKOK. Can't we all just get along?"

Jim and Bob: "CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP!?!"

Me: "So what if i can't!"

Bob: "Yo Jim. Let's pummel this guy, you with me?"

Jim: "Is a monkey a monkey?!?"

Me: "Heyhey.. What'd i do???"

*Jim and Bob both raises their fists*

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! What are you gonna do with those?"

Bob: "Why don't you take a wild guess question guy?!?"

Me: "Err.. You're gonna give me five bucks?"

*Jim and Bob beats me up*

Jim: @#%$@*%$# @#%^$^@???!!!???"

Me: "...Ooh.. ah!!!.. owwoww!!??"

Bob: "$#$#$%$@#!@@#@#$@#$@#$!!????!!!"

Me: "..OW..OWOWOWOW..OW!!!???!!"

Jim: @##$% #$%#% $%v @@#$@V 2$@#$!!!????!!?!!"

Bob: #$#$%^%@#$$% #%$^ $%& @$ ^&*^!!???!!?!?!"

Me: *Faints*

*Jim and Bob Continue beating me up*

Jim: ##$$%.. Hey.. isn't that his..?

Bob: "Shhhh.... This is a blog, don't you know that?"

*Jim and Bob stop beating me up*

Jim: "Oh yeahh... blog... can't use dirty words... whoops. my bad."

Bob: "Hey!! We're not talking in questions anymore!! wooHOOhoo!"

Jim: "Yeah.. must've stopped after that question guy fainted."

Bob: "haha.. yeah.. cmon man.. lets ditch this dump.."

Jim: "So long sucka!!!"

Me: ".....................?"

Help. Ouch.

The World's Easiest Quiz

2005-10-20T12:40:00.000+08:00

The World's Easiest Quiz

This quiz is so easy you'll feel friggin insulted for doing it. I flame anyone who can't get a 9/10 at least for this stupidly easy quiz. Arrgh. Wasted 40 seconds of my life doing it...

Just do it anyway and see how well YOU fare.. haha.. and remember.. NO CHEATING!! Anyway, trust me.. u won't need to cheat on this chicken quiz. So here it is...

Questions

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2. Which country makes Panama hats?

3. From which animal do we get catgut?

4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5. What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6. The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?

7. What was King George VI's first name?

8. What color is a purple finch?

9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10. How long did the Thirty Years War last?

Answers Below. When you're done, scroll down.

Answers

1. 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.

2. Ecuador.

3. From sheep and horses.

4. November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.

5. Squirrel fur.

6. The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.

7. Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of
Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.

8. Distinctively crimson.

9. New Zealand.

10. Thirty years. (duh). From 1618 to 1648.

Haha.. so how did YOU do? Easy right? Did you get at least a 9/10?

I bet you did. ;)

The Man who wanted to Die.

2005-10-19T13:00:00.000+08:00

The Man who wanted to Die.

Once there lived a man named John. No, not John the Baptist and definitely not John the apostle. And no, John is not related to me whatsoever and if your name is John, it is by mere coincidence that this guy has the same name as you. Okay. Where was I? Oh yeah.. John.

Once there lived a man named John. Sad to say, he was a born loser. In everything that he did, he either sucked at it, really sucked at it or blew it away. Needless to say, he led an extremely depressing life. He never had any chance at girls and was always mocked for his weird face and unproportionate physique. He sucked at every sport imaginable. In soccer, he would kick the ball at the referee's balls at least 100% of the time. In basketball, he never had a chance to even throw the ball before he either dropped it or it was snatched from him. He grew up a sad and miserable person with little friends and those he had were either weirder than him or were inanimate objects.

He led this sad life for many years, enduring every hardship to a point where he just couldn't take it anymore. So, one day, he said to himself "I suck. There is no point in living anymore. I have always failed in whatever i do. arrghh!! i can't take it anymore!! I will kill myself and end this pathetic existence of mine." Poor John. He had decided to kill himself.

Now John wanted to make his death as certain as possible. Since he was a born loser, he thought that failure at killing himself was a major possibility. So he examined the many ways of killing oneself and came up with the top seven.

And here's his list...

1. Falling from great height.

2. Drowning.

3. Knifing Oneself.

4. Shooting Oneself.

5. Poison.

6. Hanging.

7. Fire.

John looked at this list and decided that for certain death, he must use all seven methods of killing himself all at once. And with this, he devised a plan. It took him several weeks to get all the necessary items, the location of his suicide and the course of action ready. But after weeks of hard work, he finally had everything before him. For the first time in John's sad life he was feeling a sense of accomplishment and was actually happy. John said to himself: "No way is this gonna fail. I will finally succeed at something. Yes! I will succeed at killing myself! WooHooHoo!"

His planned day of death finally arrived. It was a Tuesday morning and the weather was fine with the sky clear, birds chirping and the flowers blooming. He woke up grinning to himself and went to get all his items ready. What were the items you may ask? Well... he had six of them...

and here they are...

1. One fully loaded Pistol.

2. One Razor Sharp Knife.

3. One bottle of deadly poison.

4. One hangman's rope.

5. Two lighters.

6. One large tin of Kerosene.

He packed all these in his bag and drove all the way to a very high cliff overlooking the sea. This cliff was named Crossbone Point because a long long time ago pirates used to hang people they didn't like there. John decided that was the best place to kill himself. Why? It's pretty obvious isn't it? I you don't get it then you're worst then John. Go kill yourself. Just Kidding. Don't do that.

He got there and took out all his stuff. He first tied the hangman's rope to a large branch hanging over the sea. He put the knife in his back pocket and held the pistol in his right hand. He thouroughly doused himself with kerosene and put the rope loop over his neck. Before setting himself on fire he ran through his plan once more in his mind.

His plan was to swallow the poison. Set himself on fire and hang from the tree over the cliff edge, this meant he would be dangling over the sea. The poison would render him unconcious after the first minute, the rope would block out his air supply and the fire would burn his body when he died. The gun and knife were necessary precautions taken in case anything went wrong. When he died of the fire would burn the rope and his body would fall way below and be swept away never to be seen again. This was John's plan.

He was now almost there. He swallowed the poison and threw the bottle away. He took the lighter and set himself ablaze and jumped of the edge leaving him strangled and hung over the sea. He dangled there unable to breath, with fire all over his clothes, and the poison coursing through his body.

- -

Ten seconds of blazing agony passed.

- -

Twenty seconds of blazing agony passed.

- -

Forty Seconds of blazing agony passed.

John felt his end coming and was glad.

- -

Fifty seconds of blazing agony passed.

- -

Fifty five seconds of blazing agony passed.

- -

And then it was at this point where the knife in his back pocket slipped out and poked him before it fell and was lost in the sea below. He jerked from the sudden jab and accidentally fired the pistol. The bullet whizzed past the top of his head and cut the hangman's rope. He fell straight down into the mass of water below. The huge impact made him vomit all the poison in his stomach. As his whole body plunged into the sea, the waters put out the fire and he surfaced gasping for air.

John Survived.

There is a First in Everything.

2005-10-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

There is a First in Everything.

Well... Good Morning people. It seems that i have finally decided to
put up a blog. Interesting is'nt it? People who know will probably know that
i hate blogs. So it pretty ironic for me to put a blog. Then why do i still
do it? Well.. Let me ask you a question to begin with.. What is blogging to
you?

Ok. From that question i can already derive certain answers that
will most probably be mentioned by the majority. Blogging is a medium by
which you release the mind onto matter. This basically means you express
thoughts onto paper. Secondly, blogs are for entertaining others and
yourself. Thirdly, blogging is a way in which one can improve one's writing
skills. Fourthly, blogging is a way of clearing and organising one's
thoughts in a practical and aesthetical manner. Well.. those are some common
reasons people give. But i guess the question here is why I chose to blog
even though i hate blogging?

Well.. here are ten lovely and meaningful reasons.

Reason 1 - I love ironies more than i hate blogging. I love contradictions
in life, it disturbs me so much that i actually love it. Come to think of
it, that is a contradiction in itself. I love something that disturbs me.
Yep. Anyway, back to the point. The ironies in life are what drive me to do
certain things. Like this for instance, it is an irony that when one hates
something he chooses to love doing it just because he hates it and loves
hating it at the same time. Ironies, my friend, are a curse to humanity.

Reason 2 - I am a reactionist. Reactionists are people who love to observe
different reactions from different people. Sometimes, they manipulate
situations just for the sake of getting a reaction. Remember.. its
manipulating the SITUATION not the person. Reactionists are not evil. I
think. yesh. Wait. But what has reactionism got to do with blogging?
Absolutely Nothing. Dang. But type already... ah well.

Reason 3 - Well I'm in Ngee Ann Mass Comm now and i feel compelled to get a
medium in which i can practise writing in a stress free environment. Yes.
Blogging is a stress free environment. Why so? Because the burden of your
future does not depend on what you pen and pass up. The annoyingness of
grades stifles one's working capabilities. Have you ever taken WRITTEN
COMMUNICATION as a Module before!!! AAARRGGHH!!! *Knocks head on wall*

Reason 4 - Friends have bugged me constantly to get a blog. Arrgh. Must as i
hate to succumb to peer pressure i have made this choice because i choose to
and not because my friends 'forced' me too. Its just an extra push to know
that people want me to have a blog. Yesh.

Reason 5 - See Reasons 1 - 4.

Reason 6 - See Reasons 5 and 6.

Reason 7 - See Reason 7.

Reason 8 - Do not see Reason 5 - 7.

Reason 9 - Ignore Reason 8.

Reason 10 - See All reasons.

Yepp. So thats all my 10 reasons for blogging. And did i mention theu were meaningful? Yes? No? Maybe? Yes.

Oh Yesh.. I took about one month to haul my lazy ass to make this thing... and i could never have done it without the help of other people. Other people like Valerie! Special thanks to a special person. Thank You. =)